I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
