1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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