just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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