I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
