Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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