I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
