Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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