what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
