so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This house was built for laser tag.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
