am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
