I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
