I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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