I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
