Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
