I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
