I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
