My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
