remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
