The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
