You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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