It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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