I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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