also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
