it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
