if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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