Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
