Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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