Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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