Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we're making bets on your personal life
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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