You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
