Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
