whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm bleeding and have questions
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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