how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
