3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
