I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
