he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
