I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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