Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
