Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
