i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
