i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
