i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
