he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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