Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
