pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
