I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
