Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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