I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
