I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
