im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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