Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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