I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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