dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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