i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
