I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
