Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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