Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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