When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
