I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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