O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
